


Far From Home

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Canon Compliant, Gay Ben Solo, Gay Poe Dameron, Jedi Training, Kylo Ren Backstory, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo Angst, Pre-Canon, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Responsefic, Unhappy Ending, Young Ben Solo, Young Poe Dameron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 14:21:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19747495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: The evolution of Ben Solo’s relationship with Poe Dameron.





	Far From Home

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [you hold my head underwater](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7362487) by [endocarp](https://archiveofourown.org/users/endocarp/pseuds/endocarp). 



> Prompt: Free Space — Fix-It Fic
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Ben collides with the older kid before he sees him. He’s running away from the Academy, trying to find a way out of this strange place with a cold uncle when he collided with the kid.   
  
“Sorry!” Ben says.   
  
The kid looks down. He’s taller than Ben — then again, everyone’s bigger than you when you’re ten.   
  
“Hey,” the older kid says. “It’s okay, really. I’m sorry. What’s your name, kiddo? What are you doing out here?”  
  
“Ben. And...” Ben can’t help but go on, halting occasionally, about how he hates it here but Mom thought that it would be good for him to deal with his “issues” — he’s about to talk about how he knows his parents hate him because they talk about how dangerous he is until he starts to believe it, but he pauses. Maybe he is what his uncle says he is. A spoiled brat.   
  
The kid sighs. “I’m sorry, kiddo.” A warm smile. “I’m Poe, by the way. Poe Dameron.”  
  
“What were you doing out there?” Ben says, perking up a little. Dameron! His father told him about Kes Dameron, best Pathfinder in the Resistance, and Shara Bey, one of the best pilots in the Rebellion.   
  
Poe shrugs, a shrug that Ben just likes. “I was trying to think of how to climb this tree. My parents planted it; it’s actually Force Sensitive...”  
  
“Cool!” Ben says. “Can you teach me?”  
  
Poe laughs. “You’ll break your neck, kid.”  
  
Ben crosses his arms. “I’m nearly eleven, y’know.”  
  
“You’ll still break your neck.” But Poe isn’t mocking him. Somehow, Ben feels better. Really. Truly.   
  
“Ben Solo!”   
  
His uncle’s voice. His uncle crosses down the path and Ben can see how angry he is. Angry at how Ben embarrassed him, probably.   
  
“Where were you?” Luke says. “Do you know how embarrassing that was, having you throw a tantrum like that? You’re nearly eleven!”  
  
“I’m sorry,” Ben says. He feels deflated in that moment. His earlier good mood brought about by Poe seems to have just fizzled out in that moment.   
  
Luke continues. “And what are you doing with...him?” He puts a disdainful emphasis on “him”.   
  
“He was really nice to me,” Ben says.   
  
Poe speaks up. “He was upset. He doesn’t like it here.”  
  
“Tough,” Luke says tightly.   
  
Ben has to leave, but Poe gives him a quick thumbs up before he does. Ben returns it. Somehow, he wonders if he’s made a new friend.   
  
***  
  
Ben gets older, of course. He helps out his uncle in the Academy, particularly in the archives, and he sees a different, more vulnerable side to his uncle. Even watching his uncle try to pore over the Jedi texts and make sense of them, Ben wishes he could do something to help.   
  
Puberty is difficult. On the one hand, Ben feels older, and that’s great, but at the same time, he knows he’s not taken seriously by just about anyone with his big ears and gangly frame. Poe’s fifteen and seems so confident and cool, everything Ben could never be. He tries to be like Poe, working on X-Wings and droids and trying to scale the famous Force tree — nearly breaking an arm in the process.   
  
Poe reassures him he doesn’t have to be cool. “Cool is overrated,” he says with a crooked grin that makes Ben’s heart quicken despite himself. He’s just a child, and Poe would never take his crush seriously, but he can keep it close to his heart.   
  
Sometimes Ben wishes that he wasn’t a child, a gawky, gangly thing with too large ears and a too large nose. Sometimes he wishes he could be taken more seriously. That he was cooler. That he didn’t have people saying stuff like he had a face like a mule or anything like that  
  
Then again, he supposes, if wishes were banthas, they’d all be eating steak, wouldn’t they?  
  
***  
  
Ben is fifteen when Poe leaves for the Academy.   
  
He doesn’t want Poe to leave. Not that he hasn’t made friends at the Academy, but there’s something about Poe leaving that makes him feel like his galaxy has been particularly pushed out of balance. His childish crush on Poe hasn’t abated — Poe seems to get more beautiful by the day, and Ben...well, he still feels particularly ugly, awkward, and very much crushing on Poe hard. Ben knows he’s still a kid, but he won’t always be, will he?  
  
“Will we keep in touch?” he says.   
  
Poe smiles. “ ‘Course we will,” he says. “I’m not gonna ditch my buddy.”  
  
He ruffles Ben’s hair, and the younger boy wrinkles his nose a little; he doesn’t mind Poe doing it and yet he does. He wants to be taken seriously. Not just as a kid. Poe, meanwhile, is getting increasingly cool.  
  
Poe becomes more serious in that moment. “We’ll keep in touch. Promise.”  
  
He hugs Ben, and Ben doubts that he can stop his heart from quickening.   
  
***  
  
Ben is nineteen-going-on-twenty when he wakes up to an ignited lightsaber over his bed. If he wasn’t in a panic, he would have noticed the look of shame on his uncle’s face, but Ben doesn’t have time to notice facial expressions. He’s scared. Very scared. He knows his uncle hates him, but not this.   
  
He summons his lightsaber to his hand, and amidst the chaos of Luke shouting at him not to (is Luke expecting him to just lie there and be killed?), Ben reaches through the Force. He isn’t thinking. He just wants someone, anyone, to help him.   
  
The roof crumbles down on both of them before Ben can process what he’s just done.   
  
***  
  
He has to leave. Even stumbling from the remains of a burning temple with six students in tow, Ben knows he has to say goodbye to Poe. He reaches Poe’s house, and knocks on the door.   
  
Poe answers, even as the other students give Ben space, and Poe says, “You look like hell, Ben. Are you okay?”  
  
Ben nods. “Poe...I have to go. Something happened at the Temple. There was a fire.”  
  
 _Flawless,_ the voice in his mind rumbles. _Lying to the man you love...very clever._  
  
Ben has to fight down the nausea at that.   
  
“What?” Poe says.   
  
“There was,” Ben says. “I’m not safe here. Neither are my friends. We have to run away. Far away.”  
  
“I’ll go with you,” Poe says.   
  
Ben hesitates. He almost wants to take Poe with him — after all, Poe should be safe too. But he can’t take Poe on this journey he’s going on. Where he goes, those he loves cannot follow.   
  
“You’re brave, Poe,” he says, “But you’ll have to stay behind this time.”  
  
“Why?” Poe says.   
  
Ben sighs. “If you go with me...what if you never see Jess or the others again?” he says. He’s manipulating Poe. He knows it, with all his heart. “Or your father?”  
  
Poe hesitates. Then, “I can’t just let you go off into the Unknown Regions.”  
  
“I need to. To complete my training. There is a man — he calls himself Snoke, and he’s wise and powerful. Believe me. He can help me.”  
  
Poe bites his lip. He doesn’t say anything, but Ben knows he’s feeling like he’s not enough. Even though he’s more than enough. He always was.   
  
“I’ll be home,” he says. “One day.”   
  
Of course, Ben doesn’t know if he’ll be back home. If he will ever get back from beyond the Unknown Regions. How long his new training will take. But he can try.   
  
And wherever Poe is, he will never stop loving him.   
  
“You better,” Poe says, softly.   
  
“One day.” Ben says.   
  
And as he walks away, he hopes he can keep that promise.


End file.
